Learning from Family & Death

My last post was July 29th and I apologize to those who have been waiting for the 8 weeks for another. In a way, I have been on sabbatical doing research on our subject; free educational resources. I think there are lessons in my experience over the last 8 weeks that parents and educators can. I know there is the lesson of faith, hope and love and the resilience of the human spirit.

Over the last two months I have experienced one of the most effective free learning experiences of my life, that of giving time, energy and support to a family member. On July 27th a member of my family had a long feared seizure that marked the beginning of her body's systems succumbing to a malignant brain tumor. She had bravely fought this tumor for an unbelievable 3-1/2 years, but finally ran out of treatment options in April.

From that point, for some of us life became a waiting game. For her, there were several months free of doctor's appointments and the nausea from chemo therapy, several months of having the opportunity to evaluate her life, say good-byes and to feel almost normal again. After the seizure, each day brought the loss of function, until on her 62nd birthday, she was bed bound, partially paralyzed, unable to swallow or speak, but able to communicate love with her eyes and the squeeze of a hand, just hours before she passed.

I moved into her home and for eight weeks with her husband and the help of their local hospice organization, became her caregiver. It is not the first time I have helped someone through the final months or weeks of life to their death. I have been a hospice volunteer for 20 years helping people I did not really know and their families through this experience. I was also the primary caregiver for my mother for several years.

Through each of these experiences, my admiration for the human spirit has been renewed. I've always found the individual who is facing death to be generous in spirit, more concerned for those around them than for themselves, courageous. With this death, my loved one passing so young, there was an opportunity for questioning and bitterness, impatience with those around her, lack of care for others; but none of that was ever presented. In the last days, when she could no longer communicate at all verbally, when she could only communicate through her eyes and a squeeze of weakened fingers, she still showed love and concern and incredible courage.

There were many moments of enlightenment for me at her bedside. Throughout the eight weeks, I saw many examples of her courage, faith and generosity. It will take me awhile to process them all. What I do know is that though I was afraid, I felt compelled to be her caregiver. My heart told me, I should volunteer. As a result I learned many things from her in the journey to her death. I know these are lessons I will understand as time passes and that I will use the rest of my life. However, the one lesson that I recognize now, an old lesson, free to all of us, is "follow your heart."


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